I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
