I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
