But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
