Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
