I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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