He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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