Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
