It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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