Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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