You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
