went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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