I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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