Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize