If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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