I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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