she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
