I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So much rum. So many feels.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Dicks are not precious.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
