nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
