I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize