I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
