Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
