Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
she peed on how many people?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
