So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
