So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
