Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
