I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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