Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
