Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
