i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
