So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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