We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
