i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
