I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
