Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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