You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
