I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
