I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
pray to the hookup gods
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
