I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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