Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
