Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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