Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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