Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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