Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
