Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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