My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
This is classic penis vs brain.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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