Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize