Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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