Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
