what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
