I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
