You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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