I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The uberlube is also flammable
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize