Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
