Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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