So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
