I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize