I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize