I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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