Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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