No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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