You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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