Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
