I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Are these your boobs on my camera?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
