I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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