and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
