did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
