So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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