I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
