Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
