Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
