I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize