I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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