tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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