At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
