oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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