omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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