This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
