She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Please don't give away my fajitas
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