I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
