I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
my being single is dangerous.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
