I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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