remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
