you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
