he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
