you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
