i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Everyone says I win the strip club
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
So vagazzling was a success
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
false alarm, still single
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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