I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
