My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
