my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
