Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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