i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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