new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize