sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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