oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
4 words: hood of his car
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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