Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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