maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
