Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
