Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
