Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
