I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
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