This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
