I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just pee around me
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
