Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize