I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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