but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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