everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
