She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
