who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
