Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
