just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Randomize
