Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
it's like heaven, but drunker
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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